Relationships make women insane, but we don’t have to stay that way

This is not about homogenizing the entire sex, because hello, proud owner of boobs, but I’ve noted patterns of Internet behavior that stupefy logic and baffle me silly. I usually try to conceal my untoward speculations – so as not to induce potentially dangerous hostility (Demi Lovato says no Internet bullying, yo) – but it’s not as if people read this blog anyway. Therefore, I have taken it upon myself to emphasize the imprudence of certain dramatic performances.


Perhaps you’ve seen one variant of this tawdry wall photo on your newsfeed:

“I’m moody and crazy. I’ll cry for no reason, push you away when I’m sad, yell at you when I’m angry. But nobody will ever love you as much as I do.”

I don’t have a penis, but that terrifies me. I may also be in no position to delineate the virtue of reciprocity and fairness in a relationship, but it seems to me that you’d have to be batshit crazy to interpret such fixed declarations as even remotely tempting. “She gonna do her. All girls a little crazy.” No, you cannot achieve equilibrium in a constant state of suspicion!

“Is this going to piss her off? Am I supposed to console her? Is she testing me? Am I being a needy puss right now, should I just leave her alone?” I understand that the complexities of love are far beyond my limited experience, but I can’t imagine how catering to the whims of a purported lunatic leads to ultimate happiness. Chivalry is wonderful, delightful, sexy, and it should be met with reciprocation, but implicit in those flamboyant annunciations is a juvenile sense of entitlement.To be fair, I do understand where this attitude stems from: a universal desire to find someone who will accept us – despite our vices and follies – and that crusade alone may inspire a hasty announcement of all that is wrong with us. “HERE I AM BITCHES! LOVE ME OR HATE ME!”  But romanticizing your psychosis just doesn’t seem fortuitous in the long run…


It’s not as if I don’t know what it’s like to be irrational, even completely insane in a relationship (that’s for another post); however, passionate theatrics between two people is something that should develop with intimacy and a series of mutual fuckups or increasingly annoying escapades (like when he rubs his manparts on your work blouse and you exchange the cigarettes in his glove compartment with fruit). Maybe I’m an asshole for saying this, but if you’re going to be moody and unreasonable, make sure that person actually did something to deserve it.

I know it’s hard to NOT be resentful and cynical and bitter after your heart’s been broken by the seeming love of your life, but infecting another relationship with contumacy could, potentially, poison a beautiful new love. Men and women are guilty of this; I’ve done it myself. Rather than portraying yourself as a fickle nutcase, (you’re so much better than that) take some time to recuperate and rediscover yourself.

God relationships are difficult, but they can also be so amazing and exciting when both people are ready for it.

And these gifs better fucking work.


7 responses to “Relationships make women insane, but we don’t have to stay that way

  1. I dig it, and it’s vindicating to hear from the other side of the aisle as well. Both sexes have the capacity for insanity, but the trend that glorifies bitchiness, and treats it as something that’s ok and must be dealt with is pretty counter intuitive. The measure of a man or woman should be in their capacity to bring out the best in their selves on a consistent basis. Full stop. Done. Fin.

  2. Lauren,
    I suspect I have more than a few years on you. I’ve been around the block so many times it would have made a lesser woman dizzy. So, from the vantage point of an elder, let me say that you are dead on, sister (or, more likely, granddaughter). I’ve recently had a female friend do this one to me. I may be just a bit on the direct side, but instead of pulling the crazy stuff on a boyfriend, husband, or female buddy, we need to get over ourselves and show up–not just for the other person, but for life itself.

    Well done on the post.

    Melanie Mulhall

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